“Either you sink or swim… Actually… You swim, and if you do sink at least make it look like you’re holding your breath and doggy paddling underwater, am I right?”
*IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO EXPLICIT LANGUAGE STOP READING NOW*
How many existences do you live in simultaneously?
I live in 3 primarily, amongst about 7 that I can think of, that make up who I am as a person. No I’m not schizophrenic… although I can see why you might think that, just hear me out though. But… Before I delve deeper in to my existence, let’s take a second to think about yours. Oh yeah, it’s one of those profound, introspective blog posts that you’ve been dying to experience.
First, clear your mind of whatever bullsh*t might be going on around you, slip into something comfortable and be prepared to confront who you really are. Second, lets talk about what existence is or could be.
As defined by Merriam-Webster:
existence – noun – 1. reality as presented by experience
Yeah, that’s kind of shallow in my opinion because you don’t necessarily experience reality in one way. You live life in different ways, such as being a soul, a lover, a follower, a child, a parent, a student, etc. Scratch that Merriam-Webster definition, I’m defining “existence” as the cumulative knowledge of all experiences presented physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
If you get this far… let me know what your top 3 existences are in the comments below (I’ll be lucky if I get 2 comments.) plz…
Dun dun dun daaa… Now the moment you’ve been waiting for! Here are my 3 existences that I live simultaneously:
- I am a follower; in my life there is nothing more important than my faith. Although I identify as Hindu, my beliefs are not constrained to only the beliefs of the Hindu faith. I am a follower of morality, the ability to make the right decision although it may be difficult. However, I am human and I do falter so I can’t say that I make the right decision always. I do find myself putting priority and in religious gatherings such as satsangs and pujas over most social gatherings. I take pride in it because I deviated from the beliefs of my parents, and decided to be more in touch with my Hindu roots.
- I am a son. Following my Indian beliefs, I put pride in the fact that I am a child of my mother and father. After my own beliefs in god, ethics and morality, I put priority on my family and being a good son to my parents. First of all, let me just state that I’ve fucked up in this aspect too… Many times over. lol. But I do my best to be a better son the next time I get a chance. I am so grateful to my parents for giving me the blessed life that I have, for allowing to be raised without worries, for giving me the education that I deserve, and allowing me to attend the school of my dreams. Go Pack!
- Last but certainly not least, I am a student. I haven’t had the easiest time as a student. I’ve suffered from anxiety, stress, depression, and overall apathy towards school work. I know what you’re gonna say… Every college student goes through that. Well as an Indian kid, raised in a relatively conservative household, that kind of shit just doesn’t really exist in the minds of our parents. Either you sink or swim… Actually, you swim, and if you do sink at least make it look like you’re holding your breath and doggy paddling underwater, am I right? There’s an incredible negative social stigma placed on mental diseases among Indians and most people outside of my generation usually just ignore it. I’ve had a laundry list of thoughts about how to deal with my own and I can only say that I’ve got a big decision in my life coming up. Recently, I’ve had an an especially tough go at things, but there are those bright spots, like today, that remind you why you do the things you do and who you’re doing them for, if not only for yourself. So today, my grand-dad, (whom I, much like many other Indian kids, call Dada) texted me and it went as follows:
So my grandad is the sappiest person I know, and that shit made me cry for real. Mind you this is a man who moved to the U.S. from a small village in India (s/o Bardoli) in his mid-20’s, all alone and made a future for himself. He attended Xavier University in Cincinnati and got an MBA. So as you can imagine, education is of great importance to him. Had to take moment to brag about the man that has been then for me through my entire life so far. Moments like these are the ones that drive you to be the best you can be, and remind you why you are in school to begin with.
Let your existence(s) fuel you. Let them be your drive. Let them be your passion. You have everything to live for and nothing to regret. Let your mistakes be your reason to do right. Always remember that you have someone in your corner, should you ever need it.
Also before I end this post I want to give a huge shoutout and sincere thanks to my amazing friend, Nafisa, for being there for me always and for showing me this new way to evaluate myself. Hopefully this helps you too.
I’ll be back every other Friday, posting at 8 A.M.